Photograph by Doreen Dotto ©2006, Doreen Dotto Fine Portrait Pho
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I love that women have so many choices when it comes to childbirth these days. We've come a long way even since the time that my mother gave birth to me in the 1970's. Today, women have some say over the direction that they want their child's birth to take.
If a mother wishes to have a water birth at home with a midwife by her side, she has that option. Those who would rather be in a hospital and settle into a lovely epidural during labor have that option as well.
With the trend of parents writing a birth plan, a woman can feel secure that her wishes will be acknowledged as her labor progresses. More and more husbands are playing the role of supportive coach to their wives, and it's very common to see men wandering the halls of a maternity ward.
My mom didn't have the luxury of writing out a birth plan when she had me. Her plan was to do whatever her obstetrician instructed her to do. Women had very little say on how things unfolded in the delivery room. Husbands were not allowed to be present when their child was born.
More often than not, the mother was all alone. Some of the time, she was even knocked out so that she wouldn't get "hysterical" when it came time to push. Once the baby arrived, the newborn was swept off to the nursery and the mom had access to her little one when the nurse carried the bundle of joy to her for a visit.
See what I mean? We've come a long way since those days. I haven't even begun to scratch the surface on what giving birth was like for women in the many generations before that.
Perhaps it is those horror stories that have made my generation of women more adamant that they have control over how the birth of their child unfolds. When I was admitted to the hospital, I handed the nurse on duty my birth plan like it was the Bible.
My wishes were for a medication free birth that would be given plenty of time to move along naturally. As labor progressed, I was shocked to find that I had to constantly defend and protect those wishes. The threat of administering Pitocin (a synthetic oxytocin that is given to induce birth) was constantly looming as my labor stalled.
I grappled with the fact that I might not have been able to pull off a natural birth after all. It seemed like a huge task to accomplish. I finally surrendered to the fact that I was actually in very little control of how my baby came into the world and that the important thing was that he arrived safely. My birth plan was practically tossed out the window. In the end, it was 31 hours of labor, Pitocin, and an epidural (that I begged for) that delivered my baby to my arms.
I learned so much about the art of surrender that day. When it came time to give birth to my second son, I made better choices to achieve the birth that I wanted. I had a midwife instead of an OB, I had a doula present to champion for me, and an open mind to be willing to not fight how my labor unfolded. I achieved a natural birth in 4 hours, a far cry from my first experience.
Honestly though, once I held my baby in my arms, it didn't matter how he got there. We are all mothers, whether we have a C-section, an epidural, use Pitocin, or catch our baby with our own two hands.
Did any parents out there have a birth plan? Did your child's arrival happen the way that you envisioned? Did you feel as if you had a say in what happened in the delivery room? Please share your thoughts an experiences in the comments.
Mari Baker
2:12 pm on Wednesday, May 9, 2012
What a great article! There have been a lot of discussions over birth plans lately as one of my friends prepares for her first child. I had a birth plan originally, but it was destroyed months before my due date by my high risk pregnancy and the medication that I take daily for my blood disorder. Another hitch in my plan was breaking my ankle at 8 1/2 months meaning I was in a cast for the remainder of my pregnancy! Ultimately I came to agree with your viewpoint - I didn't care how she got here as long as she was safely in my arms.
Leigh Hewett
2:16 pm on Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Wow Mari, it sounds like you had quite a pregnancy. I'm so glad that your little one made it here safe and sound. I suppose that when you're high risk that you have fewer choices.
Risa Haynes
3:14 pm on Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I had a mental birth plan as my doulas had basically broken it down for me that no nurse would even really look at a written plan. They told me instead to discuss my wishes in depth with my husband, my midwife and of course, my doulas. Everyone on "my team" knew I didn't want a c-section. It was basically my mantra for 9 months. "No c-sec, no c-sec." Well, I ended up with a c-section after less than 10 hours of un-medicated labor and 4 hours of un-medicated pushing in a bazillion positions. But the important parts of my mental plan were honored. My biggest fear was having it all taken out of my hands. Instead, when the medical experts of birth arrived and told me I was pushing great (after a very uncomfortable cervical exam administered while I pushed) and that I wasn't in fact "too small" (as so many ridiculous people had guessed) and decreed that my daughter was sunny side up and I needed a c-sec immediately, I mustered all my willpower, dragged myself from my happy place and screamed, "NO!!!!" That was the best part - seeing 5 docs snap their heads up and oogle their eyes at me while my natural birth team beamed huge smiles at me from behind. Ultimately, I decided I was in a good place to make the best decision for my daughter, plus my husband was begging me with his eyes. So they cut me open and touched my guts and set my uterus outside my body for a few minutes and delivered my perfect child into the world. And I learned that I can heal and life isn't about planning
Leigh Hewett
8:46 pm on Thursday, May 10, 2012
You said a mouthful there about life not being about planning. I love that image of you yelling "No!" at the shocked doctors. You go mama!
Jesse
4:00 pm on Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Have you seen the movie The Business of Being Born? I think that it could be argue that woman don't have as much control as we think. I did have a birth plan and it went flying out the window too, both times. I love what you say about the art of surrender, it's so true. I suppose that how the birth happens is the first of many situations that will pop up with our children that are just out of our control. Great article.
Leigh Hewett
8:49 pm on Thursday, May 10, 2012
I have seen that movie and I agree that we still have a ways to go but it can't be denied that we've come a long way. I think that educating future mothers about their choices would be a great place to start.
Katy Rogers
4:34 pm on Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I had a csection (baby was breech) followed by two VBAC's. The first when they were still semi-allowed at the dr. I was with, the second I was the only one doing it just because I had done it before. Having no option on the first because of the breech was frustrating but an experience that makes me who I am. For me, I'd have 100 "regular" to a csec - so much better to recover from, I had no drugs. When life throws me a curve, I recall getting to do those 2 births the way I wanted and it makes me feel a little better.
And I had to stand firm at many, many, points in the process. The dr would say we could do this and go faster, easier, whatever and I said " I'll just wait , thanks".(or maybe not those exact words :)
Leigh Hewett
8:50 pm on Thursday, May 10, 2012
The birth of my second son was very healing to me as well. It felt good to be more in control but let the control go at the same time.
Linda Labbo
6:02 pm on Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I was of the generation with no birth plan... for one baby I did all of the hard work and then my ob was late arriving in the birthing room. So, the anesthetist took it upon himself to give me gas! BOO HOO! Then the other was a c-section at 2:30am and again I was put under! But the joy of seeing each new baby took away any disappointment. It's such a miracle no matter how they arrive in this world!
Erin Lashley
12:25 am on Thursday, May 10, 2012
Oh, did I? I had a doula on hand and got induced at 6 AM. The doula massaged me all day while visitors came in and out. The cramps got bad and they asked me if I wanted the epidural and I took it. I never dilated. We watched Kill Bill and ate Japanese food and I went to sleep. At midnight the next night (morning?) they woke me up from my narcotics-in-the-epidural slumber to tell me the labor had stalled (duh) and they were doing a c-section. The doula left. The doctors and nurses laughed and sang and carried on during my surgery, for which I was unprepared, awake, and horrified and all like, "stop with the levity, guyz." They laughed at me. The anesthesiologist knocked me out as soon as the baby came out because they were all tired of my complaining. While I was out the baby did a pushup in the incubator and I missed it.
I woke up in the morning to a nurse/lady I'd known for 25 years (small town hospital) bringing me my baby and telling me how she wished my beautiful grandmother was there to see him. Everyone from the day before came back to laugh at me about how I'd greeted them the day before under the influence of whatever they put in the epidural; apparently I introduced each visitor to every nurse and directed every person to the room with the Coke machines.
But my son is the best thing that ever happened to me!
Risa Haynes
11:00 am on Thursday, May 10, 2012
wow, erin! what a story! i also had a c-sec for which i was awake and fully aware. the anesthesiologist got in a fight with my husband right over my head because my husband accidentally invaded an inch of the dude's space in his excitement to see his child. it was surreal. i was yelling at my husband, "eric, look, look, screw this guy!" my husband looked like he was gonna cry. the dude kept saying, "you shouldn't even be here." like, where would he be?!? my husband recovered as soon as she was born and went with my daughter for skin-to-skin contact and to make sure they didn't vaccinate her against my wishes. my midwife stayed with me and the docs had a very weird conversation about their weekend plans while while closing me up. i think the medical community really needs some refresher points on sensitivity training.
MorningLight
2:07 pm on Thursday, May 10, 2012
Hey, I'm an L&D nurse and I so read birth plans--I guess since I used to be a doula! But in my opinion, you really don't need an in-depth birth plan if you're on the same page with your midwife/OB. I can't do (or not do) much they don't let me/tell me to do!
Athens Mama
3:54 pm on Thursday, May 10, 2012
Erin and Risa - that was crazy reading about how disrespectful people were to you during your births. People in society are so arrogant and ridiculously cruel - they forget for whom they work!! My first birth was to be a homebirth with a midwife. After 15 hours of pain that felt like a steel baseball bat being hit across my spine over and over, throwing up, and feeling like I wanted to die, I announced that I was going to the hospital to get the drugs. They shot me up with Stadol and after 3 hours of pushing my beautiful daughter came out of my body and looked straight at me, eye to eye, from the doctor's arms. I will never forget that moment for as long as I live. The second time, I knew I wanted to be at the hospital for the option of drugs. I was having some back labor again, but I got up on all fours and my sister administered accupressure to my lower back. That magically caused the pain to subside and I felt the baby moving down the birth canal. The labor had been only 9 hours, with about 4 hours of "active labor". The doctor came in and announced that I needed to lie down on my back immediately, because that was the only way he knew to deliver a baby. I felt I had no choice but to submit. I put my feet in the stirrups and because of the return of the back labor, pushed my son out in 3 pushes. I will never forget the look of his skin -he glowed like he had been doused with golden dust.